do what you love the money will follow Archives

April 15, 2014April 15, 2014

Springtime Return to America

Up until a few weeks ago, I was in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where I thoroughly enjoyed the brutal Chicago winter, as this winter was truly one to miss — and it appears to not yet be over in the Mighty-Midwest. I had an exceptionally playful winter and will be forever grateful for the ability to spend my time doing yoga and taking dance classes, studying and practicing qi gong, completely art workshops, cooking glorious meals in a dark cavernous Mexican kitchen, swimming in the natural hot, healing waters and spending time getting to know old friends and an ex-husband.

It was glorious and great healings occurred after the butt-kicking year or so I had endured. However, the pressure of leaving my mom’s home unattended for the hard-hitting winter was ever-looming, and I knew I needed to get back to Illinois to wrap up her affairs for good. I knew in my heart that my time in Illinois had come to an end; time to pack up one final time and move on. I had decided to return to San Miguel de Allende to pursue my interests in the healing arts, organic foods, other worldly pursuits while working with some business owners on their marketing efforts. It’s challenging to find work in Mexico, but I was ready for a new page in the books and to get back to work.

—————–> Not so fast.

Although I knew my time in Chicago was up, I remain very grateful for my time in ‘Tucky after my mom’s death and multiple job losses. (Tucky = Woodtucky) I needed a quiet place; a place where I could completely unravel and then put myself back together again. I lived in my mom’s empty condo. No stuff except some of my stuff, which I never unpacked. I didn’t even have a refrigerator nor stove for the first six weeks; it was like camping every day. But I was able to spend time in and around Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, talking to my mom, walking around the lake, kayaking and paddleboarding; exactly what I needed. I made peace with the waters and I was starting to make peace with myself. Grief continues to change me in so many ways — the tears continue to fall but I’ve continued to face my fears and tackle them. I am far less afraid of things out in the world today!

The unraveling of grief also made me aware that I needed to stop punishing myself for losing so many jobs. This was no small task and it’s probably not over. I do however, finally understand that it is my badge of honor to have lost these jobs in such a rapid succession, so I could move closer to more important things in my life. I am not supposed to work for people I do not believe in, selling things I do not care about. How lucky I am to have lost these jobs. It has made me a better person.

I have been told by more than a few that I am a nicer person, and do you know what?? I feel like I am nicer person. I feel softer, easier, slower and my laugh has improved. I love it! Oh sure I can still cut like a knife with my tongue, but I’d really rather not because I don’t think it’s cute anymore. I genuinely enjoy connecting with people, sans sarcasm.

I am totally grateful for the lessons of loss during the past year.

When Reed & I landed in Texas, we were both THRILLLLLLLLLED to be back in America. We ate shitty Tex-Mex tacos and loved it; for a few minutes. It only took a few hours for the “American gumption” to seep back into my veins and I was essentially high as a kite from it, and feeling the pressure to get back in the game. That get up & GETTER DONE attitude; I was hungry! Everywhere I looked, I felt as though I was being asked about my work; where do you work, what do you do, what’s your background, do you have a job? — because after all, this is AMERICA and we work fifty weeks of the year to buy cool stuff dangitall!

We moved into Reed’s family ranch, “Charro Ranch” in Driftwood, Texas, and soon I re-discovered the beauty of a Central Texas ranch. I’ll be honest though; when we lived here after we were first married in 2005, I did not like the place at all and could not wait to get back to the city. A decade later, I simply adore the place and enjoy every day that I am here. The baby cows are multiplying, and I’m having such fun meeting them (from a far) and talking to all the animals.

Within the first week, I had secured a job at a local olive oil orchard and I was really thrilled to get back to work. But first I had to go to Chicago to close up mom’s place, which I did in about five days. I was at my mom’s place on St. Patrick’s Day; which I hadn’t really thought about until that morning, that morning of Paddy Day, that has long been a strange day in notsomuch that we celebrated the day, rather it’s was more a day to make fun of our Irishness and everyone gets drunk.

That morning I sat on the floor of my mom’s empty condo and began closing up the final boxes for shipping, then fired up my music. When Van Morrison’s Jackie Wilson Said came on, I totally lost it. I could not stop the tears; it was a calvacade. My uncles Tim and Tom loved Van the Man and it was one of the few songs that they would move to; we all would dance to it. I blame Tim for kicking off this family death spiral party; I was angry he had left me with all these neanderthal relatives who couldn’t talk about anything beyond sports, weather, goons, traffic and the good ol’days; Tim was the only one in the family who really got me and I will always miss him terribly. They all went tumbling down after him because he was the glue of the family that was trapped in the old school ways of the West Side Irish. God Bless Them All!

It was a stupendous cry as I packed up the remains of my life and two days later I hopped on a plane to Austin to start my new American life. I have way too much spunk in me to live in Mexico; I still want to make magic happen and work and do good. Central Texas it is!

Next I move into my house and get re-acquainted with the creatures of Central Texas…. bugs too!

February 8, 2014February 9, 2014

Getting my paint on in San Miguel de Allende

cristiFer_02

Let’s face it, there are a lot of painting and other art classes available in San Miguel, and up until January of 2014, I had never taken any of them. Most are catered to visitors, and when you live in a city, you tend to overlook things targeted to tourists. However, I met Cristi of CristiFer Art Studios in December at the Instituto Allende‘s art fair, and her painting style really spoke to me. Cristi is an artist from Romania and her partner Fernando is an artist from Mexico City. They create paintings together (can you imagine?) and their use of colors & styles really delighted me. I signed up for their “One Painting in One Day” class, which happened to be on January 1, 2014. What a perfect way to usher in the new year.

One of Cristi’s painting in their home/studio in Colonia Independencia she shares with partner Fernando:

I arrived at CristiFer’s studio about 1pm and met the 5 other people who were there for the class; a couple from San Antonio and a mother & her two daughters from Portland. We were split into two groups and we each had our own table and painting supplies.

We first did some warm-ups, like shaking out our hands. I started jumping up & down in true qi gong style, because I knew I had to wake up the chi in order to get over the apprehension of putting paint to the paper. I would have loved to do more physical exercises, but that’s me and what I need to be doing. Cristi led us through some exercises which helped us break down the fear — and not only did it break down the fear, it got us laughing. “Grab your pencil in your non-dominant hand, cover that hand with a piece of paper and draw these objects from your memory” sorta of a thing. Loved it!

Cristi then led us through her teaching steps to paint a picture; a San Miguel street scene. This was a perfect way to whet my chops and feel the love for painting again — something I had not done in about 15 years. The day was fun, lively and very educational; both Cristi and Fernando were helpful with suggestions on what to do next, without ever grabbing control of our paintings. I enjoyed the day tremendously and was hungry for more!

At some point during the day, Cristi said to me, “if you had just three drawing classes, it would change your life.” I thought about this for a day and said BINGO. I took those three drawing classes with Cristi and they DID change my life. I lost my fear of drawing poorly and just started drawing. It’s amazing how just a few hours of instruction really helped me to get over the fear of making a mistake. Who cares if it’s not perfectly correct and out of perspective. WHO CARES???

And by stepping through that fear, my drawings and paintings were starting to come to life. And that made me happy =)

Soon after this New Year’s Day art class, I started Julia Cameron‘s 12-week spiritually based program, The Artist’s Way. Through reading exercises, daily journal writing, group discussions and weekly artist dates, I am starting to melt. And I mean that in a good way. I have art projects going all over the house and say to Reed, “it’s like kindergarten here every day!”

December 29, 2012March 19, 2013

So Long 2012, Hello 2013!

I am so ready for this year to be over and to begin anew again. 2012 was a very difficult year for me on many levels and I don’t know that I’ve fully recovered, but I am ready to be done with the heart ache the year presented me with. As of a few weeks ago, I am another year older so it’s always the bizarre quiet time between Christmas and New Years that gets me thinking about the year ahead. And the changes I want to make.

I was fired twice in 2012 — and each time was an utter shock to my system as I had never been fired before. The first time in March, I suspected it was coming because I was working with a group of men who didn’t understand me let alone like me, and I was completely frustrated by their small thinking… but I still was upset when I got fired because they didn’t even try. I tried every day and they didn’t even bother talking to me. One day shortly before the firing came down, I walked into the company kitchen and everyone was in there. I looked at everyone, no one looked back at me, so I turned around and walked out. I knew it was over. I am glad to be done with that company but still somewhat bothered that they think it was all my fault that I didn’t do the job successfully. Their wipespread lack of communication skills were huge in the non-success of the position. I have still not been replaced because “they hate marketing”.

The second firing came much quicker and swifter and the sting was felt much deeper. Another group of small-minded men who had no idea I was going to be as opinionated as I am. I was shown the door about 3 months into the gig and honestly did not see it coming until about one hour before it happened (I was locked out of all social media accounts!). I am too smart and too old to accept being treated poorly by men bosses just because they are bosses. I spent much of my younger years working for awful men and I just cannot do it anymore. So while I wish I was able to walk out on these situations, I’m glad I was fired because it made me move even quicker towards a job that feels less like a job and more like something I want to be spending my time doing.

I am now working as a small business coach, helping business define their voices online through various different channels. I like doing this and I enjoy the interesting people I am working with. I’m still very new in the business but I am confident that I will grow into this and develop my skills. I am looking to perhaps be a VA, a virtual assistant, so that I may do the work from anywhere in the world and not be tied to Chicago. I don’t think I will move out of Chicago, but I would like to leave it a LOT more in 2013 because I have been trapped here for sometime, given all the financial hardships that come with losing two jobs in less than a year. (actually less than six months!) I have been operating in automatic drive this year because I had no time to fall a part when I desperately needed to find a job.

I stuffed so many feelings down, turned down opportunities to be with friends and as of late, have stopped working out — all things that I will defintely be resurrecting in my daily 2013 life. I stopped looking at men in 2012; well, I turned a blind eye to men because the year was such an emotional roller coaster. I had a few dates over the past few months, but I honestly cannot look to getting involved with someone if I have finacial stress, let alone I need a job stress as well. But I look to change that this year. I’m ready to get back into the game. I won a 10-day trip to Turkey from writing a short essay on how I would spend a 3-day New Year celebration, and I am super excited about this trip! But also to get back to one of my most favorite things in the world; traveling. I am aligning myself to do just that and to live it through blogging and instagram (will I even stay with instagram? Who knows, maybe not!) and other social media channels. While I wish to do less social media and have more real life experiences, I don’t think I will ever shake the social media habits completely, but I do want to use it smarter. With intention and not just to be ridiculous.

2013, let’s play, you and me.